Emotional Dysregulation: The Unavoidable Mess of Being Human

Summary: Perpetual inner peace is a myth and being human means experiencing emotional ups and downs. Attaining perfect emotional regulation is unrealistic; instead, we should develop practical strategies for embracing and managing dysregulation and cultivating inner calm amidst life's inevitable messiness.

Let’s be real—being human is messy. From the moment we pop out into the world, screaming and covered in goo, we’re thrown into a chaotic dance of emotions, expectations, and biochemical reactions that we’re supposed to somehow wrangle into something functional. And if you happen to be neuro-spicy, emotionally sensitive, or just a sentient being trying to navigate this world, you know exactly how relentless that struggle can be.

We’re often conditioned to believe that emotional regulation is a permanent state—that inner peace means never losing your cool, and existing with a Zen monk-level stillness immune to life’s turbulence. But that’s a myth, a polished Instagram version of peace that doesn’t exist in the real, sweaty, complicated world.

The truth? Emotional dysregulation isn’t the enemy. It’s a natural part of being human.

What matters is how we learn to ride the waves instead of drowning in them, how we befriend the chaos instead of waging war on ourselves.

Many of us equate peace with an absence—of stress, pain, and uncertainty. Yet, that absence is really numbness. We’re conditioned to seek and accept the numbness that comes from distractions, substances, or keeping ourselves endlessly busy.

True peace is about being present for all that life brings—the beautiful, the unbearable and the mind-numbingly frustrating.

Real peace? It’s presence. It’s standing in the middle of your emotional shitstorm and knowing, deep in your bones, that you don’t have to run. You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to shove anything down.

Peace is knowing that the waves come and go, but you’re the goddamn ocean.

And if you can start shifting your focus from 'How do I stop feeling dysregulated?' to 'How do I stay with myself when I am?' you're already on your way.

Let’s talk about that unruly beast: emotional dysregulation. It’s when your inner toddler goes berserk—fighting, fleeing, freezing, or even fawning in the face of discomfort. It might appear as a sudden surge of anxiety, anger that feels like it might tear you apart, or a despair that makes existence feel unbearable. The real challenge isn’t the dysregulation itself; it’s our reaction to it.

Consider how repeated negative interactions—moments when you were dismissed, shamed, or forced into situations that invalidated your feelings—accumulate over time. These aren’t isolated incidents but a series of small, unhealed wounds. They leave you with a default state of panic or overwhelm that isn’t necessarily tied to one event but to a history of feeling unsafe.

When dysregulation arises, common responses include:

The real skill isn't about avoiding dysregulation altogether—it's learning to meet these moments without amplifying them.

When you feel that overwhelming surge, pause. Instead of immediately trying to fix or explain it, simply acknowledge that this is a moment of dysregulation. Shift your focus away from spiraling thoughts and tune into your body. Notice where the sensation lives—a tight chest, buzzing energy, or a sudden cold dread. Give yourself permission to feel without judgment.

Say to yourself:

“It’s okay that I feel this way. This is just a wave, and it will pass. I can stay with myself, even when this feels awful.”

If needed, allow your body to move—shake out the tension, stomp your feet, or take deep, mindful breaths. Resist the urge to attach a catastrophic narrative to the moment.

Remember, you are not broken; you’re just having a human moment.

Finding internal peace isn’t about eliminating tough moments—it’s about developing habits that help you remain present amidst them.

Here are some daily practices that build internal peace:

This isn’t about winning at being perfectly calm. There’s no flawless state where you never get thrown off or feel overwhelmed. The goal is to meet yourself, as you are, with love and curiosity instead of judgment and avoidance—even on days when you feel like an overwhelmed toddler in an adult body.

Remember, true peace isn’t the absence of struggle; it’s knowing that even in the midst of chaos, you remain whole, worthy, and resilient.

And that? That’s a peace no one can take from you.